On the platform I spy someone wearing pretty much exactly what I’m wearing, but in Havant colours (Hat, Scarf, Gloves, Shirt) and we got talking. There began a friendship – now that’s what makes sport, not just football, in general great.

So, fast forward to the present day and Nathan has written his debut novel: Fire and Ice – The Fall Begins. I haven’t read it myself just yet (sounds terrible, but I’m a one book at a time kind of guy – presently devouring Wicked by Gregory Maguire) but so far I’ve heard nothing but great things! The trailer for it is found down below and features a cameo from me – getting a kicking!

So yeah, there we go. Thought for the day for you…

“Traffic flow will be monitored” according to Hants Council but if they had monitored the flow properly already they’d see what every single resident and commuter sees – solid traffic through those roads from 4.30pm onwards in every lane. Typically the men in suits who have little to no experience of that journey day in day out have been making ridiculous decisions because ‘it makes things better’ for those who DO have the experience there. Once again – they are wrong and will be proved wrong. I just hope to god nobody pulls out without looking in a flurry of confusion over a new bus lane and causes a collision during a quiet period.

So many things wrong on our roads in this town right now – I haven’t even started on the Eastbound J11 lane system, which is another joke I think. Thanks HCC!

Also massive thanks to my Nan for giving me, Gilly and Ben a place to stay for the weekend. You rock!!

Next up, bar another couple of auditions, I have RADIO TIMES in June before the HATSOFF Summer Ball (also in June). RADIO TIMES is quite simply one of the most underrated musicals around. The script is hysterical, the score is perfect and it’s a fantastic night out. Please make sure you come and see this amazing show, it is just amazing! Definitely one of my favourite musicals already!

I’ll whack the events up shortly, but for more info on both of them head to http://www.ccads-theatre.co.uk (Radio Times) and http://www.hats-off.org.uk (HATSOFF)

Now time for some e-mails methinks… not that I’m avoiding getting my work done… of course not…

(Huge thanks to Tony Bridger for spotting I’d got a link wrong – Fixed now!)

Though in fairness, I’ve probably not been on great form… grumpy, tired, distant etc.

Though it’s that word, confidence, that everything rests upon.

If a goalie loses confidence, he’ll let one in. If a writer does, they’ll avoid writing for a while and so on. Same with anyone.

As I mentioned in my last Vlog, I’ve been accepted into LSMT which is incredible news – and one that stirred a bit of genuine happiness leading to feeling a bit confident that ‘wow, I can do it.’. That’s not to say I think I’m good at it or that I’m taking myself too seriously, but I’m being honest. That’s the point isn’t it?

So when, one rehearsal, my voice gets shot up to buggery – my confidence went with it. Whether or not that affects how I am with people is something I’m looking into; could it be that it’s an autistic trait I need to work on? Whatever it is, it meant I’ve stopped enjoying things as much as usual – and that’s a worry. Time will tell I’m sure.

I’m very very near getting to my YouTube return, just a few more auditions to go and I’ll be back with a satirical vengence!

S

So when I took the unusual step of sending a couple of videos to @westendproducer’s Twitter Star Search, I wasn’t quite expecting Peter Polycarpou to reply with a lovely message (which made my day) – nor was I expecting people to start off the “he thinks he’s amazing because he did We Will Rock You for a day.”

Wait, stop right there. The whole idea of the star search thing is to have fun right? So I thought I’ll have a bit of fun and see what brilliant response that the anonymous producer would come up with – be it serious, funny or just downright honest, dear. Do I once mention that I think I’m good? No. Do I even mention anything about WWRY? No! Gordon Bennet what do I have to do to not be labelled an arrogant so and so when I’m just doing what plenty of other people do and have fun?

I’m very open about three big things about me – I have Aspergers Syndrome, I want to be a performer in the West End and I currently run a media company. If anyone wants to know any more about me, they can ask – I don’t ram it in their throat because to me I’m just a guy who likes what he likes. No different to anyone really. Although, one thing I really don’t like is the perception that me wanting to be a performer/Actor in town constitutes as me being someone who looks down on everyone… all the performers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting have been lovely – where the hell is this arrogance idea from?

I’ll track back a little bit to my Aspergers (A.S) – because as someone who’s lived with it for my 20 years and <insert OCD style clock here> I’ve gotten fairly used to the whole idea of it, dealing with it day to day and even poking fun at it like I just did in my last sentence. There are some things that are easier to deal with and get over (lack of eye contact for example is a prime sign of A.S – I still get nervous when I keep eye contact while someone’s talking to me for a prolonged amount of time, but overall I’ve got it down to just thinking I need to look into the eyes and I do it) whereas others are not – the washing up is currently one of my biggest enemies, I can just about deal with teacups but even then I get a little bit shaky afterwards.  The way I deal with things that cause me trouble is to do what I have the problem with – I.E I was once quiet, now I talk all the time. I used to not make eye contact, I do all the time. I hated contact with anyone (handshake etc) and now I hug everybody I know. Some things are still a pain, but I do my best to get over them. One of the things I know I do is annunciate incorrectly sometimes, or say the wrong things and get muddled. For example if I’m explaining something, sometimes I have to do it two or three times because I’ve gotten muddled up and have to explain it to me first before I explain it again to the person who’s just watched me explain something to myself. Other examples are sometimes I put an inflection on a word wrong and sound how I didn’t mean to – arrogant and nasty are two traits I despise so I do hate myself if I ever think I’ve sounded like it and apologise about four times to whoever I’ve just spoken to. I’m well assured by friends that I don’t need to apologise to them, because they know I didn’t mean it or I didn’t actually sound the way I thought I did – it’s all part of this little unique trait I have where I don’t process how things sound properly. Years ago I’d react badly a lot because of misunderstanding it, but now I’ve chilled out and let things slide most of the time putting it down to just ‘me being wrong’.

So where on Earth is this going? How does it relate to where I started? Do you even understand what I’m saying because I sure as hell don’t anymore and need a drink. Ah thank you doctor. Basically, the key thing is Drama. Performing in musicals or plays to be really exact – it changed my life completely and there is nothing I enjoy more than wandering onto a stage and being someone else for a couple of hours; it’s the most fun I have with my clothes on. I went from someone who was quiet to new people to someone who now will not shut up or go away until you drag him out. I’m proud of that achievement, I’m proud of the achievements I’ve had so far to do with performing or not, but in no way do I think I’m the best bloke their is (far from it!). The thing I hate most is being made to feel like I shouldn’t be proud of something I did – an example would be when I won the part of Mark in RENT. Mark is my dream role in my favourite musical – so when I got the chance to play him I was over the moon. I’d never auditioned for a singing part as I always went for character roles and didn’t (still don’t) think I’m a singer kind of guy – so when I succeeded on my first time out going for a role I’d coveted I was delighted.

Then came the e-mails telling me how awful it was, how I should give it up because I’m going to ruin the show, how I have absolutely no right to believe that I could play it or believe in myself at all. Largely, the e-mails centred and preyed on the fact that I worry I come across as arrogant sometimes, and all of them used the word ‘arrogant’ in them. Some of these e-mails were from so called friends, who got very upset with the fact I’d pursued something I wanted to do – not for attention but because I love that show, I love that part and I have fun performing. What’s the problem with that?

In March last year I had the honour of joining the cast at the Dominion Theatre for a day in We Will Rock You – each and every person was lovely and made me feel like one of the team from the second I walked through the door. It was an amazing experience, one I will never ever forget and one that has inspired me to do my best to follow them and friends of mine who have made it as well. My getting there was a complete fluke, I openly admit that but it is something I can say I did and be happy about it – just like someone scoring their first goal in football. It happened, it was great, I’m happy about it. It doesn’t make me any better/worse than anyone, it doesn’t make my head fifteen feet wide – there is no arrogance there… so why do people keep saying there is and using it as something to dig at me with?

I will probably never know why people can’t just be nice to each other… but I will just carry on doing what I’m doing, enjoying what I’m doing and making as many friends as possible – life should be spent having fun and sharing the experience… not sitting around hating everybody!

And so, The Four Musketeers finishes and another show finishes. Truly it was a wonderful and new experience, having only had a few weeks of rehearsal and doing proper sword fights for the first time ever whilst being stabbed and smacked in the hand by the blade several times during the run – I wouldn’t change it for the world. Well apart from the amount of times I said the F word because I couldn’t get it right, was late because life had this hell bent intent on making sure I didn’t get to rehearsals on time or because I couldn’t remember my bloody lines.

To all the cast – it was amazing to work with you all (some of which were people I’ve known and I’ve wanted to work with for ages – others I hadn’t met until that first read through on a cold Sunday afternoon) and I can’t wait until we do it again! One for all, and all for one!

To that lady who told me to go to drama school, you’re amazing – please can you come along with me to my next audition to help convince them because so far I’ve not had a good time with them hahaha!!!

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In other news, I’ve moved into my new office at ThemeWorld. It’s not often I refer to TW on my personal site, but I feel now’s a good time to. The company has expanded and grown and the team have taken to the new set up like ducks to water, embraced it with everything they have and I am truly grateful of their work and efforts to make it what it is. Thank you all!