Although in reality I could talk for England, very little of what I say is actually about me. Most of it is stuff that’s happened to me, something that I have experienced or know a bit about. I don’t claim to know everything, because I don’t. Nor do I claim to be any good at anything, because to be quite honest with you I’m the sort of person who would rather just do what I do for the enjoyment rather than bask in some non-existant glory going “Hey, look at me.”

So when I took the unusual step of sending a couple of videos to @westendproducer’s Twitter Star Search, I wasn’t quite expecting Peter Polycarpou to reply with a lovely message (which made my day) – nor was I expecting people to start off the “he thinks he’s amazing because he did We Will Rock You for a day.”

Wait, stop right there. The whole idea of the star search thing is to have fun right? So I thought I’ll have a bit of fun and see what brilliant response that the anonymous producer would come up with – be it serious, funny or just downright honest, dear. Do I once mention that I think I’m good? No. Do I even mention anything about WWRY? No! Gordon Bennet what do I have to do to not be labelled an arrogant so and so when I’m just doing what plenty of other people do and have fun?

I’m very open about three big things about me – I have Aspergers Syndrome, I want to be a performer in the West End and I currently run a media company. If anyone wants to know any more about me, they can ask – I don’t ram it in their throat because to me I’m just a guy who likes what he likes. No different to anyone really. Although, one thing I really don’t like is the perception that me wanting to be a performer/Actor in town constitutes as me being someone who looks down on everyone… all the performers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting have been lovely – where the hell is this arrogance idea from?

I’ll track back a little bit to my Aspergers (A.S) – because as someone who’s lived with it for my 20 years and <insert OCD style clock here> I’ve gotten fairly used to the whole idea of it, dealing with it day to day and even poking fun at it like I just did in my last sentence. There are some things that are easier to deal with and get over (lack of eye contact for example is a prime sign of A.S – I still get nervous when I keep eye contact while someone’s talking to me for a prolonged amount of time, but overall I’ve got it down to just thinking I need to look into the eyes and I do it) whereas others are not – the washing up is currently one of my biggest enemies, I can just about deal with teacups but even then I get a little bit shaky afterwards.  The way I deal with things that cause me trouble is to do what I have the problem with – I.E I was once quiet, now I talk all the time. I used to not make eye contact, I do all the time. I hated contact with anyone (handshake etc) and now I hug everybody I know. Some things are still a pain, but I do my best to get over them. One of the things I know I do is annunciate incorrectly sometimes, or say the wrong things and get muddled. For example if I’m explaining something, sometimes I have to do it two or three times because I’ve gotten muddled up and have to explain it to me first before I explain it again to the person who’s just watched me explain something to myself. Other examples are sometimes I put an inflection on a word wrong and sound how I didn’t mean to – arrogant and nasty are two traits I despise so I do hate myself if I ever think I’ve sounded like it and apologise about four times to whoever I’ve just spoken to. I’m well assured by friends that I don’t need to apologise to them, because they know I didn’t mean it or I didn’t actually sound the way I thought I did – it’s all part of this little unique trait I have where I don’t process how things sound properly. Years ago I’d react badly a lot because of misunderstanding it, but now I’ve chilled out and let things slide most of the time putting it down to just ‘me being wrong’.

So where on Earth is this going? How does it relate to where I started? Do you even understand what I’m saying because I sure as hell don’t anymore and need a drink. Ah thank you doctor. Basically, the key thing is Drama. Performing in musicals or plays to be really exact – it changed my life completely and there is nothing I enjoy more than wandering onto a stage and being someone else for a couple of hours; it’s the most fun I have with my clothes on. I went from someone who was quiet to new people to someone who now will not shut up or go away until you drag him out. I’m proud of that achievement, I’m proud of the achievements I’ve had so far to do with performing or not, but in no way do I think I’m the best bloke their is (far from it!). The thing I hate most is being made to feel like I shouldn’t be proud of something I did – an example would be when I won the part of Mark in RENT. Mark is my dream role in my favourite musical – so when I got the chance to play him I was over the moon. I’d never auditioned for a singing part as I always went for character roles and didn’t (still don’t) think I’m a singer kind of guy – so when I succeeded on my first time out going for a role I’d coveted I was delighted.

Then came the e-mails telling me how awful it was, how I should give it up because I’m going to ruin the show, how I have absolutely no right to believe that I could play it or believe in myself at all. Largely, the e-mails centred and preyed on the fact that I worry I come across as arrogant sometimes, and all of them used the word ‘arrogant’ in them. Some of these e-mails were from so called friends, who got very upset with the fact I’d pursued something I wanted to do – not for attention but because I love that show, I love that part and I have fun performing. What’s the problem with that?

In March last year I had the honour of joining the cast at the Dominion Theatre for a day in We Will Rock You – each and every person was lovely and made me feel like one of the team from the second I walked through the door. It was an amazing experience, one I will never ever forget and one that has inspired me to do my best to follow them and friends of mine who have made it as well. My getting there was a complete fluke, I openly admit that but it is something I can say I did and be happy about it – just like someone scoring their first goal in football. It happened, it was great, I’m happy about it. It doesn’t make me any better/worse than anyone, it doesn’t make my head fifteen feet wide – there is no arrogance there… so why do people keep saying there is and using it as something to dig at me with?

I will probably never know why people can’t just be nice to each other… but I will just carry on doing what I’m doing, enjoying what I’m doing and making as many friends as possible – life should be spent having fun and sharing the experience… not sitting around hating everybody!